


Lost And Found

by CastielLover20, didnt_survive_twist_and_shout



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Omega Castiel/Alpha Dean Winchester, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-01 23:31:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielLover20/pseuds/CastielLover20, https://archiveofourown.org/users/didnt_survive_twist_and_shout/pseuds/didnt_survive_twist_and_shout
Summary: - Castiel was gone for two years. Two years that he was trapped from Naomi, two years that he was in heaven, two years that he hadn’t seen the boys. And now, that he was back on Earth, his state was awful.- Dean had been driving down some random rode hoping for a case. His mind hadn’t been in the game for a while, and Sam has finally gotten him into the Impala to look around for something to *actually* hunt. For the past two years he’d drank himself into some kind of stupor, and only hunted things dangerous enough to kill him. Yet, like always, they never did.*This story will go between Cas and Dean, but will be in third person point of view. Yes, I will say which point of view, and when. This is a story/role play between me and CastielLover20 that we both decided to put on here.*





	Lost And Found

**Author's Note:**

> Alright guys. Loves. My readers and people. Huh. So, I haven't been posting as much, I know that. But, here you are. Like I said in the summary, this is between me and CastielLover20.

Castiel -

Castiel was gone for two years. Two years that he was trapped from Naomi, two years that he was in heaven, two years that he hadn’t seen the boys. And now, that he was back on Earth, his state was awful.

He was a bleeding mess. Only wearing his boxers. His wings ripped from his back, his head had bruises from Naomi’s needles, his half face was burnt, and he had cuts all over his body. He realized that he was all alone, in the edge of a road, in the middle of the night. How would he be able to find the boys, in a state like that?

He held his knees close to his chest, as he waited for a car to pass by. But the most strange thing was that the car that stopped in front of him was familiar. The Impala. Suddenly a sweet smell that came from the inside of the car calmed Castiel, as he tried to stare at them.

* * *

 

Dean -

 Dean had been driving down some random rode hoping for a case. His mind hadn’t been in the game for a while, and Sam has finally gotten him into the Impala to look around for something to *actually* hunt. For the past two years he’d drank himself into some kind of stupor, and only hunted things dangerous enough to kill him. Yet, like always, they never did. He’d been driving for about an hour, Sam silent in the passenger seat when he saw it. He was sure it wasn’t a hallucination this time. He stopped the car quickly, and - ignoring Sam’s protests - climbed out of the car and walked over the man sitting on the ground at the side of the road. He knelt and turned the rugged haired head to see the face, and his heart jumped into his throat. God, he hopped this wasn’t a dream this time. “Cas?” His voice broke.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was staring confused at Dean. How could this happen? He thought Naomi would be cruel enough to leave him in a place far away from the boys. And here there was Dean, in front of him, holding his face. It had been so long. Castiel wanted to cry, he had that burning feeling inside him, until he couldn’t manage anymore and broke down. He started crying, staring at the hunter, feeling blessed he was back to his real home. “I m-missed you” he managed to spell as he leant against Dean’s shoulder, trying to calm down. Dean kept radiating off that calming feeling, that made the former angel relax soon. He was feeling blessed. This was real. He wasn’t hallucinating, and this wasn’t another mind game from Naomi. This was real.

* * *

  

Dean - 

“I missed you too Cas,” Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel. He was there, in Dean’s arms. This wasn’t fake. This wasn’t some dream that Dean was tortured with. Dean cupped Cas’ cheek and looked into his eyes. They seemed duller. They didn’t seem as electric blue as before. And Cas even smelled different. Not that Dean was complaining now that they were holding each other on the side of the road. Dean’s eyes flickered over Cas’ face. Not just that, but over his body due to the fact that Cas only had bloody boxers on. Dean realized this and took his leather jacket off, slipping it onto Cas’ shoulders and pulling him close again. “What the hell happened to you, man? I -“ Dean caught himself, “*We* were worried.”

* * *

 

Castiel- 

Castiel moved slightly when Dean wrapped him with his jacket, feeling pain as the fabric was against his wounds. He looked at the man, slightly dazed, and really exhausted. “Naomi… She… Tried to make me an angel again…” he groaned as he buried his face to Dean’s shoulder, trying to manage the pain. “I’m human… She gave up, and let me free…” he mumbled, trying to focus on reality. The times Naomi had got into his head, made Castiel just to doubt his own thinking. He wanted to hold Dean, because he was scared he would lose any sense of reality, again.

“You… Smell like coffee and… Whiskey and apples… You make me feel safe…” he whispered not realizing what he was saying. “I am glad I am home… I wanted so bad to return…”

* * *

 

Dean - 

Dean tensed up slightly. Cas had smelled him. “You’re not exactly home yet, Cas,” Dean said softly. Questions ran through Dean’s mind, and anger ran through the hunters’ veins. Naomi had hurt Cas, trying to get him back to being angel. Didn’t Naomi see that Cas was just as perfect human? He saw the way Cas moved when Dean put the jacket over his shoulders, and his heart dropped. Cas no longer had his wings. Castiel, who’d given up his life, had lost one of the things that made him an angel. He’s lost his grace. He’d lost it all. Dean’s fingers loved against Cas’ jaw, and he held in all his questions. “Can you stand?” He whispered. 

* * *

 

Castiel - 

Castiel sighed as he heard the Hunter’s question. Stand up. He hadn’t tried that. Especially with that cold, and being in the darkness, all alone. He was really weak, but with some help and support from Dean, he managed to stand. He wrapped the jacket a little tighter around him, even if it hurt more. It was really cold, not that it mattered after the pain he had been through. He kept supporting himself by Dean’s shoulder giving a small smile at Sam. “Can I sleep? In the backseat?” he asked feeling that need to rest. “And can I keep the jacket for now?” he added. With Naomi treating him so badly, he had forgotten how it was to live normally. To have some people that loved him around him. Being showed kindness? He didn’t even remember what was like. Kindness in heaven meant giving him a break from the tortures.

* * *

 

Dean - 

Dean’s brow furrowed at the question, and his arm involuntairly tightened around Cas. Why was Cas asking him that? He’d never been able to really say no to him before, and now he doubted he’d be able to say no to him for a long time. He saw when Cas brought his jacket closer around his shoulder, how he winced a bit. He couldn’t imagine how cold Cas really was. He was human, and he was out in nothing but boxers, and he’d been on the cold ground. Dean turned to look at him slightly, while helping him walk slowly to the Impala. “Of course you can sleep in the back. And yeah, you can keep the jacket.I have another one anyways,” he said softly.

* * *

 

 Castiel - 

 “Thank you so much” he said forcing a small smile at the hunter. He was really weak to even open the car’s door. He knew it would take long for him to recover. Physically at least. Once he got into the car, he realized how cold it was outside. Into the car seemed like it was really warm. He leant against the seat, still holding the jacket tight. “I missed you” he whispered once again, before closing his eyes. This was so overwhelming. He thought that he wouldn’t see Dean and Sam ever again. And now he was home, even into that broken vessel. And all he wanted was to be safe and warm. He knew that with Dean around things would get better. He was already feeling better around him.  

* * *

  

Dean - 

The car ride backto Dean climbed into the drivers seat, after closing the door after Cas. Sam stayed silent, even though Dean knew what he was thinking. That Cas was real this time. That now everything could get back on track. That Dean would stop being so….Dean. The ride back to the bunker was a rough one. Dean kept glancing back at Cas, who looked like he wouldn’t wake up again. He let Sam out, and after he made sure his brother was inside, he turned the Impala off, and climbed into the back, making sure not to touch Cas too much. He didn’t want to open the door and let in any cold air. He touched Cas’ shoulder lightly, hoping it would wake him. “Hey, Cas…”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel just felt the soft touch and opened his eyes scared, glancing around. Thank God, it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a dream. He was home. He managed to calm down. Every time he was sleeping, he didn’t know in which state he would wake up. But now he was safe. Dean’s scent calmed him down again. “Hey…” he whispered tiredly as he offered his best smile. “You make me feel safe… I don’t know why… It’s different than before…” he softly said as he managed to sit up. “Are we home?” he asked staring at the bunker’s door. “God, I missed this place so much” he sighed relieved, staring at Dean again.

* * *

 

Dean -  

Dean’s heart twisted when Cas said those words. That he felt safe with Dean. He moved one of his hands onto Cas’ wrist, “I’m pretty sure it missed you too.” He had seen the way Cas’ eyes had widened, full of fear when he first opened his eyes. And that scared Dean, knowing that something was wrong with Cas. Dean glanced at the bunker, and then back at Cas. It was getting harder and harder to not look away from him,”Can you…Do you need help? To get inside?”

* * *

 

Castiel - 

Castiel sighed and thought about this. He felt ashamed for doing that, but he nodded. He really needed help. His whole body was hurting as hell and walking was still hard. He just wanted to stay there with Dean. For a reason he really wanted Dean to hold him. “Dean, I need to tell you a few things. Now that my mind is clear…” he mumbled. “First of all… I think I am an Omega… Which is a disaster for an angel to be… And I don’t want you to hate me because of that” he sniffed. Memories of Naomi humiliating him, came to his mind. “And… Second of all… I know this isn’t right too… But I don’t want to die Dean… Not any time soon… B-Because if I die, I will return to heaven, or go to hell… And both sound really scary… So I wanted to tell you the before you hate me…” he said bowing his head. “I am sorry, I know I should have protect you and I failed. I know I should be a soldier and keep you safe but I failed, I broke…” he mumbled ashamed.

* * *

 

Dean - 

Dean felt his heart break. A literal shatter. He cupped the former angels face and turned it up so Dean could see his eyes. “You didn’t fail me, Cas. Naomi hurt you, and being a soldier is hard for someone, even you. And I promise you, as long as I live, I’ll make sure you live.” He pauses. “And I knew you were Omega. I smelled it on you. And I dont hate you for it. That would be really bad, even for me.” He brushed his thumb down Cas’ jaw, “I could never hate you. And it might be a disaster for an angel…but you’re human, Cas. Or, human enough. I won’t let Naomi get to you. I promise.” Dean knew how much power a promise like that held, and he knew he couldn’t keep all of them, but he’d be dammed if Cas hated himself for anything.

* * *

 

Castiel - 

Castiel sighed as he listened to the hunger carefully. His lips formed a small smile, feeling happy he had the hunter close. He held Dean’s hand hesitantly, just wanting to show the man the way he was feeling, his affection.

“Thank you…” he whispered. “I will… Need time to be myself… I guess… I mean, it’s so long since I was with… Real you. And it’s been a long time since I have been myself…” he said staring at his hands. “I had almost forgot what was like to feel something good… And now that I am human, these feelings are more intense than before.”

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean nodded, “So, I can, um, wait out here if…if you want me too, Cas.” Dean mentally punched himself. Very hard. Everything was off, and it hurt him, but he couldn’t imagine how Castiel was feeling. The small smile didn’t hide how dull his eyes really were,and that was one of the things that hurt Cas the most. Because he loved how Cas’ eyes blazed blue, but someone had taken that away from him.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel hugged himself and sighed. “I mean… I don’t mind… Anything you want. It’s okay if you don’t want to come in, and it’s okay if you want, I don’t know…” he said trying not to panic, from the slightest dilemma. “I will take that bath now…” he said forcing a small smile, staring at the clothes Dean had picked. He took these and slowly walked to the bathroom. He wanted to be around Dean and the safety Dean was radiating off, but for now he had to be all by himself. He opened the water and kneed in front of the tub, waiting for it to fill.

* * *

 

Dean- 

Dean felt like a part of himself was ripped out the moment Cas walked away. It felt like when he first had disappeared, except worse somehow. Because he’d just gotten him back, and now Cas wasn’t in the same room as him, and damn did it hurt. He heard the water come on, and dropped his head into him hands. He knew Cas needed to be alone. He knew Cas wouldn’t want him to see his wounds, the things that would end up scaring. And Dean had to hold himself back from walking into the bathroom after Cas, and just…taking care of him. Because that was all he wanted to do. He felt tears prick his eyes, his mind coming to a finally halt after everything. He just wanted to be in there with Cas, but he undestsood he couldn’t be.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel wasn’t aware of what was happening. He just filled the tub with water and got in. What he didn’t know was that the water was cold. He didn’t know the feel, he couldn’t recognize that the water was that cold. And that only made his wounds hurt more. He groaned in pain, as he held his knees close to his chest. He tried not to cry, as he slowly tried to clean his wounds. He was a panting mess, in the edge of crying from pain. Damn, this hurt as hell. All he wanted was to get clean, wear these clothes and curl up next to Dean. But he couldn’t let the hunter see the mess he was.

* * *

  

Dean -

Dean sat there until it actually hurt. He shook himself, and stood up. He couldn’t just let Cas stay in there alone, he told himself. Although Cas had said he needed to be alone. He needed to go in there and help him. His stomach was twisting painfully, and he truthfully felt like he was going to throw up. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Cas flashed behind his eyelids. Cas just sitting there on the edge of the road, and he stomach twisted again. His eyes snapped open, and he walked forward, and knocked on the door lightly, “Cas?”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel swept his tears, trying to calm down. He felt ashamed, he felt like a helpless kid, a useless thing, a trouble but he didn’t know what else to do. He needed Dean. He needed his Alpha. His what? He needed his best friend there. Once he heard Dean’s voice, he tensed and trembling he managed to talk. “Please help me…” he sniffed. “I don’t know what to do and it hurts…” he mumbled curling up to a ball into the water. “I need help…” he stuttered.

* * *

 

Dean-

Dean opened the door at Cas’ voice, and his heart dropped. He kneeled in fron of the bath, and touched the water. “God, Cas. The water is freezing.” He moved his hand past Cas’ leg and began draining the water. He touched Cas’ faces, and looked at him, “You can’t wash in cold water.” Dean realized after he touched Cas, the pain in his stomach was gone. It no longer twisted, and instead he felt…well not happy, but not in pain either.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel swept his tears, feeling nothing more than shame. Independence and shit. He couldn’t even wash himself yet. He didn’t know if the water was damn cold or hot. He felt so mad at himself, but once Dean got in, that feeling of safetiness returned and the former angel calmed down slowly. “I suck at being human” he only said, still trembling from the cold. “Can you help me? Please. I don’t care if you don’t care, can you help me?” he said in a broken tone.

* * *

 

Dean-

“Of course I will. And I *do* care, Cas,” he answered softly. He turned the water back, making sure it was warm, and he shrugged off his shirt, and got up, walking to the sink where he left a cup, and pushed off his pants - although he left on his boxers because he was *not* going to make Cas uncomfortable - and moved Cas a bit, and sat on the edge of the tub behind him.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was confused of what Dean was planning to do, not that he felt any uncomfortable. He just stared at the man moving around the room, really curious of what he was planning to do. The water now was really warm and he really enjoyed it, much more than he did before. It still just a little, but not much. He moved to make space for Dean, silently admiring Dean’s body. “What do you want to do?” he asked as he stared at the cup in front of him.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean filled the cup with water, and reached for some soap he sued whenever he had wounds. It was for sensitive wounds, and it had no smell, which he also used it….other situations. Dean moved a bit closer to Cas, “I’m washing you, Cas.”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel relaxed and sighed as Dean washed him. He was really good, when the other helped him clean his wounds. He started feeling a little bit more safe, for every time he was waiting for Dean’s touch. He wasn’t in such a bad state but he didn’t want for his other friends in messenger to think that he didn’t want to avoid then at all.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean had washed almost every wound, but hesitated at Cas’ shoulders. They were the worst. Dean filled the cup with fresh water, and hesitated again. He didn’t want to hurt Cas, far from it, but the wounds would get worse if he didn’t. That, and Sam probably wanted to see Cas too. A small roil of jealousy went through Dean, but he shook it off, and poured the water on his hands, lathered the scentless sensitive soap on them, and very lightly pressed hid fingers to the wound where Cas’ wings had once stood tall.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel felt Dean’s fingers on his back, into his wounds, the wounds that his wings were. He sighed, trembling, until he couldn’t hold himself. It wasn’t because he was hurting, but it was something he couldn’t manage. He started sobbing softly. He didn’t know if it was relief, if it was pain, or if he just needed to break down for once. He was taking deep breaths, groaning in pain. He was blessed that Dean was there helping him. He just kept falling in love with the man as time passed. The time he needed him the most, he was there. “I am fine” he reassured. “My soul hurts more than my back” he mumbled as he also felt melting against Dean’s arms. His touch was soft, and made him want to sleep into that warm water.

* * *

 

Dean-

Dean brushed his fingers away from Cas’ wounds where he wings were, and kneading his fingers into the soft skin where his shoulder met neck, and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Castiel’s temple. “We can fix your soul,” he murmured. “If I have to, I’ll give up my own.” 

* * *

 

Castiel -

The former angel gave a small smile at the hunter, and took a deep shaky breath, smiling bright at him, this time with no difficulty. “I almost forgot the way you are with family. I am glad I am your family” he whispered as he leant his head to the back, feeling much better. “It’s the first time after a long time I know things will get better. I thought I had abandoned hope, but I was wrong.” he said leaning against Dean this time, not caring for personal space this time

* * *

 

Dean-

Dean smiled against Cas’ temple. His eyes weren’t as dull now, and Dean felt his heart thump wildly. Dean ran his fingers - although still wet- through Cas’ hair. Cas had a family here. And Dean couldn’t help but smile when Cas said that. Yes, he had said it before, but this time….it mattered more,”I’m not just family Cas.” 

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel blushed darkly, tilting his head. “What do you mean?” he said, feeling himself for a damn minute. No fear, no pain, just focusing on the man in front of him. “I mean… You have been there for me, when no one had. You mean so much to me. I want you to know that” he hummed softly, not losing contact with his green eyes.

* * *

 

Dean -

“I know that Cas. Come on, man, you know you mean everything to me too,” Dean hesitated a moment. Right now, for the first time since he had seen Cas, his eyes were focused. Like they were before Cas went to heaven, when he had no regard for anything personal. “It’s just that…well, you’re omega now, and earlier you said I smelled….like home, I think you said. But you said you felt safe with me and….” Dean trailed off. Yeah, good job explaining how he’s omega, your alpha, and you wanna mate ‘em. Nice job, Winchester.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel’s smile widened as he tilted his head. If Dean was trying to say what he was thinking… But both of the two man, were bad with words… Could he just tell him that he thought the same thing? He was tortured for years, even if he was saying something that was total bullshit, he had an excuse right? His hand held Dean’s and bowed his head. “You want to say that you think we are… Mates?” he finally said, but this time not being able to stare directly at the hunter.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean let out a breath left him in a rush. Cas had understood him. A little spark of hope hit Dean’s heart. Maybe Cas wanted that too. Maybe he wanted Dean. A smile broke over Dean’s face, and he moved one of his hands from Cas’, and cupped Cas’ face, making him look up. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying, Cas.”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel smiled brightly at Dean, feeling blessed. Dean seemed positive. That was it. That was his chance. “I felt this way before turning human, Dean. I love you” he said, feeling anxious as hell. That was all he could say. He just prayed this wasn’t a mistake, and the man in front of him felt the same way. “I mean… It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way… I always wanted to tell you that anyway…” he bit his lip and sighed.

* * *

 

Dean -

And that was when all rational thoughts left Dean’s head. Because Cas just said he loved him. He spoke it. Out loud. To Dean. Dean’s hand quickly moved from Cas’ cheek, to the back on his head, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against Cas’. Part of him felt like he shouldn’t, but there wasn’t any going back now.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was confused at first. But then he allowed himself to lean to the kiss. It was his first kiss, so he didn’t know what to do. He just opened his mouth slightly, and pressed his lips against Dean’s, taking in that amazing feeling that warmed his heart and made him happy. He closed his eyes, and took in the moment. That was it. Dean loved him. Cas finally knew.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean made sure not to push, just kisses Cas softly, but when Cas opened his mouth, Dean about lost his mind. Because now he could taste Cas as well as smell him, and feel him, and if that wasn’t the best thing, Dean didn’t know what was. But he still wouldn’t push Cas, so he pulled back just enough to take a deep breath, and all his senses were on Cas. Just Cas. Nothing but Cas. And he swallowed through the lump in his throat. “You should get out of the water. I’ve cleaned all your wounds”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel had lost his mind. The moment was way more beautiful than he ever imagined. He could feel everything. His heart pumping on his chest, he could hear Dean’s breath, his small sighs, he could feel his love surrounding him, in a way he didn’t know was possible. And as Dean pulled back, all fear and pain Castiel was feeling had disappeared for a moment. He was feeling pure joy once again. His smile was wide and he just nodded to what Dean had said. But now he had something else in mind. He pushed Dean gently in the back, and tried to remember how Dean had kissed him. He climbed on top of the hunter and started kissing him back, the same way Dean had done. The Omega started getting obsessed to Dean’s scent, his taste, the blush on his cheeks. He wanted to keep this moment a little longer.

* * *

 

Dean -

When Cas pushed Dean back, his mind stopped for a moment, fear setting in. That was, until Cas climbed onto him. And then kissed him, and god this was a lot better than before. Because now he has full access to Cas, and Cas has the same to him. And he can’t help it when his hands - gently - take hold of Cas’ hips. And everything was gone. The water, the room, Naomi, every angel, every demon, the whole world outside, was gone. His full attention on Cas, because he filled every single part of Dean. Every little crook of him, was all Cas. And he pulled the former angel, his omega, closer, tipping his head up to deepen the kiss.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel couldn’t believe that. Suddenly all his fears, his worries didn’t matter anymore, as long as he was holding Dean on his arms, and was held by him. He thought it would take him a long damn time before being able to touch someone or be touched in a way like that, but this was different. It had no relationship with the tortures. Dean’s touch was soft, kind. And made the angel fall in love with him even more. Suddenly, the kiss increased the man’s need for affection. His hands wrapped around Dean’s waist, wanting to reassure him, that he didn’t need to hold back. As he deepened the kiss, he moaned surprised but enjoyed it as before, pressing himself against the hunter.

* * *

 

Dean -

God, Dean didn’t know how the hell he was here now, but he was. And Cas was kissing back and damn if Dean didn’t find the next noise that came out of Cas’ mouth hot as hell. Because it was. He swears, it’s the hottest thing he’s heard, and he wants it again. And Dean needed Cas. Not just to kiss him, and to be there, but he needed Cas. Dean trails one of his finger down Cas’ side, making sure not to touch anything to bad, as he knew where every wound was now.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel kept kissing, holding tight by Dean’s waist, not wanting to let go. Wanting Dean to guide him. He made another moan, his breath cut with each hungry kiss. If Castiel wasn’t in water he would swear something was going wrong with his body. He froze as he felt strange, something going really wrong from his waist and down. He took a moment to stare at Dean’s eyes, blushing darkly, not knowing if this was wrong or right. “D-Dean…” he couldn’t spell it. He was confused, slightly shocked and he was scared he had just ruined their moment.

* * *

 

Dean-

Dean took every moan from Cas into his own mouth. And then Cas had pulled away slightly, stuttering his name, and Dean had time to breath. Although it wasn’t the best option, as he was hit with the full force of Cas’ arousal. His eyes darkened, and he looked at Cas, and then down. And that…that right there, seeing Cas hard for him, had to be the death of him. “God dammit, fuck, Castiel,” he said, and his head fell back against the tiled wall.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was feeling his pants wet with slick, and yeah, he was hard. By Dean’s reaction, he didn’t know if this was good or bad. He tilted his head softly. If this was bad, Castiel would want to disappear. He took a deep shaky breath, trying not to panic. He didn’t tell anything else. He just kept staring at Dean’s eyes, hoping the hunter wasn’t mad at him. Was he? He froze, taking a deep shaky breath and letting out a sigh, almost a whimper. “I can… Just… Leave and wear the clothes you gave me…” he stuttered.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean blinked. “L-leave the wear clothes?” What was a as talking about? Did…..did Cas not want this? Fear ran through Dean’s body. Maybe Cas didn’t want him, and it was just the want of being held that made him kiss Dean back. Maybe that’s all it was, and and nothing more. “Why would I…..why would I do that?”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel just swallowed. “You cursed when I stopped kissing you and showed you what was going… Below my waist… I assume you… First of all, I don’t know why this is happening, or why my thighs are wet with slick… Second, I don’t know what’s going on in my pants, and if it’s good or not, and I since you cursed I assume it’s not something good, or something you want?” he mumbled trying to understand what was happening.

* * *

 

Dean -

“God, no Cas. I do want this. I want *you*,” Dean said, and pulled him towards him, kissing him lightly. “I…cursed….because I liked it. I promise I want you,” Dean murmured and leaned down, kissing at his neck. And god damn he smelled even better here. He smelled like arousal and he smelled like *Cas* and Dean shudders.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was a panting mess, managing to calm down. He passed before, that Dean didn’t want this, but when the man reassured him it was alright, he smiled to himself relieved. A few moans escaped him, as Dean kissed his neck. He didn’t know why, but this was feeling amazing. In that spot, having Dean kissing him. “D-Dean…” he groaned. “I… Don’t know what’s that feeling… But I want you… Really really bad… Damn…” he mumbled.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean smiled against his skin, and nipped at that spot lightly, enjoying the way Cas shivered at the feel of his teeth. He loved the little moans that came from Cas. He was loving every bit of this, “That’s your scent spot, Cas.” He nipped at it again lightly. “All I have to do it bite is, draw blood, and you’re mine,” he murmured.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel now understood why this spot was making him such a melting mess. He moaned once again, tilting his neck so he was giving him more access. “Then do it… If you want it, for real do it… I want to be yours…” he slurred feeling lost in that pleasure. He sighed loudly, and cursed a few times, as this felt like actual heaven.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean groaned at Cas’ words. He….he wanted Dean to mark him. How was Dean supposed to tell him no? Especially now. Dean shuddered at the thought, and he made sure to suck a mark onto Cas’ neck first, relishing in the low moans and curses that were coming out of Cas’ mouth. “Are you sure you want that? There’s no going back after I mark you,” he said against Cas’ skin.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel sighed and groaned. “I should ask you the same thing. I always knew I loved you, are you sure you want that?” he asked as he closed his eyes, taking in all his feelings. This felt nothing more than pure bless. Dean’s touch, was the most amazing feel that Cas ever had. He wanted to be marked by him. He wanted to be his. He knew Dean was the man he only loved, and he didn’t want anything else to feel complete.

* * *

 

Dean -

“I do want this, Cas.” He trailed his mouth across Cas’ neck. God, how he wanted this. More than anything, he wanted Cas to be his. Dean kissed his scent spot. And god damn, Cas smelled amazing. He took a deep breath, and hit down. He thought about everything within a couple moments. Every single moment he’d spent with Cas. And then he drew blood, and everyone of his senses became Cas. Every part of him was Cas. Every single little part of him was suddenly *just* Cas. 

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel moaned loudly, taking a few deep breaths. This bite didn’t hurt. That was the strangest part. He saw blood but he didn’t hurt at all. The opposite. He was a total moaning mess, feeling his whole body limp in Dean’s arms. He didn’t want anything else. That was pure heaven. He smiled to himself and kept making small needy sounds. “D-Dean…” he said as he tried to kiss on Dean’s cheek. “P-Please… Knot me” he mumbled. He got so lost to the feeling, that didn’t realize what he was saying. His mind was overwhelmed by Dean’s scent. All he wanted was his Alpha.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean shuddered at Cas’ words, because each one brought a brand new need under his skin. He had been so lost in just the smell of Cas he hadn’t even thought about knotting him. He hasn’t thought of taking Cas and making Cas his that way. His fingers moved down and gripped at Cas thighs. Part of him didn’t want to grab Cas that hard - had enough to leave bruises- but the other half wanted to make sure Cas had marks on his body, marks everywhere, to make sure everyone who looked at Cas was his. He licked at the new wound before he leaned up and kissed Cas, moving one of his hands towards Cas’ entrance because he’d be dammed if he hurt Cas, even if he wasn’t in the perfect state to worry correctly.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel didn’t care. This kind of pain was sweet. It wasn’t harsh, it was different than Naomi’s tortures. He didn’t even notice being in pain. Dean’s touch was soft and careful. He just found himself moaning louder as Dean moved his hand to his entrance. Now Cas was losing it. He couldn’t even talk. He didn’t know that the pleasure he was already feeling could get better. He tensed, and held his Alpha a little tight, sucking on Dean’s neck, nipping his soft skin. “D-Dean… M-More… Need more…” he groaned. “Show me all I have heard but never understood about love” he slurred as he kept sucking on the man’s neck.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean about broke at Cas’ words. All of this, Cas’ mouth against his neck, Cas being so so close…it was all becoming too much. Because he was so in love with this former angel, he would do anything. And Cas had just made a demand. Who was Dean to deny Cas what he wanted? Dean pressed one finger against Cas’ slick, waiting for the other man to relax, and the moment he did, Dean pushed past, and god if he was tight like this….how was he going to be when Dean decided to knot him. Dean let out a groan when the tip of his finger made it past the ring of muscle.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel groaned. What did he just say? His man was giving him so much, and he was asking for more? He felt ashamed for what he had said. He felt like shit, like he had done something really wrong. He could feel it, he could see Dean’s face change. Once Dean pressed one finger inside him, he just stopped. Stopped making any sounds, and kept having his forehead against the Alpha’s chest. He was horrible. Naomi was right. Greedy little shit he was. He just held on Dean tight, not sure if he was wanted this anymore. This way. “Stop… Please stop… P-Please…” he whimpered.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean’s heart dropped. He had done something wrong. His entire body stuttered to a complete stop. Because Cas had gone still, not moving, and now he was telling Dean to stop. And after everything of course Dean had gone and messed everything up. And so Dean did stop. He pulled out, and he just…stopped. His one hand on the edge of the tub, holding hard enough he didn’t doubt he would break it. Because he had hurt Cas. He hadn’t wanted to, and here he was. Cas hadn’t wanted that. Of course had just been an arousal induced haze. And Dean had taken control of him over that.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was a silent mess, trying to think properly. He had fucked up. He knew he had. He might was trusting Dean, but his mind needed a long time to trust himself. He stared at Dean with a scared look. He had fucked up. He had ruined heir moment, everything. “I’m… Sorry… It’s… Not your fault… I just… I just don’t feel good…” he said softly trembling as he stood up immediately, kneeling in front of the toilet and throwing up. His anxiety had got really high, and he didn’t know how to cope with it. He had ruined everything as always.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean got up after him fast, sloshing water over the side, and fell beside Cas. God, now he was throwing up. And for the same reason as always, Deans alpha side kicked in. He ran his hand down Cas’ back, murmuring soothing words under his breath to Cas. Because maybe - no, more than maybe - he had hurt Cas, but he still had to make sure Cas was alright. Nothing else mattered, except that Cas was okay. He kept his hand moving lightly over Cas’ back. From his shoulders to his lower back, being careful of the wounds.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel was panting, as Dean rubbed his back. He found himself slowly calming down once again. He swept his tears, trying to catch his breath. “I don’t deserve you…” he mumbled. He wanted to explain himself. Show Dean, it wasn’t his fault. “I don’t deserve you. I am sorry, I stopped you, I just don’t feel good with myself. Not enough to feel good with you. I feel like nothing in front of you. I don’t want you to blame yourself. I just can’t manage it at the time. It’s not your fault, I just hate myself too much. I can’t allow you to do this, while I can’t… I don’t feel good enough and enjoy it…” he said not staring at his beautiful green eyes.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean moved Cas’ face so he could see his blue eyes. “You don’t have to apologize, Cas. If you’re not ready, it’s fine. After….everything, you deserve to be able to have time to heal. I’m the one that pushed it,” he answered Cas softly. And Dean felt a bit of him break again, because Cas said he felt like nothing. And Dean wanted to tell him that wasn’t true. That he was everything. But he couldn’t. Not when Dean was having a hard enough time not pulling Cas against him.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel took a deep breath and shook his head. “You didn’t push it. You are soft, and kind, and sweet. You mean so much to me” he said as he managed to calm down. He leant against Dean once again, hoping the hunter wouldn’t mind. He buried his face to Dean’s shoulder, just seeking for the man’s affection. “So… Are we mates now?” he said, sighing deeply. “Are you okay with this? What Sam will think? Was it wrong? I mean, I don’t mind, but was it wrong for you?” he said trying not to panic in the through that Dean could regret this.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean’s mind raced. Even now Cas had a tendency to over react. “Yeah, we’re mates, Cas. And…I’m more than sure Sam was trying to get us together before…before you left. He’s gonna be…well, happy I suppose is the right word for it. And me?” Dean thought for a moment. How was he supposed to put into words for Cas to understand? “This is more than perfect for me, Castiel. I promise you.”

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel looked up at Dean. The man was honest. He knew Dean was always honest. He didn’t doubt what he was saying. The hunter couldn’t put his emotions to words, but he knew when he did, they were real. And these words were the most important. “I love you. You make me the most happy person in the whole world.” he said, closing his eyes once again. “Can we return to your bed? It was warm and soft. Can I keep holding you?“

* * *

 

Dean -

“Of course we can, Cas,” Dean said softly. And there it was again. Those three words. The three words that broke Dean’s world, and built it up all in one. Those three words that would be the death of him. The, ‘I love you’. Dean moved slightly to pick Cas up, and again it hit him how light the former angel was. He moved carefully out of the bathroom, and set Cas onto his bed.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel smiled to himself as he was placed back to Dean’s bed. His bed that had his scent, and the beautiful man was now in front of him. He was wearing still these bloody, dirty -wet- boxers. He didn’t dare to remove these. He was already feeling bad with his body image. But when he saw the pike of clothes in front of him, he wore them immediately. These clothes were soft and smelled great. It was a hoodie, a pair of sweatpants, socks and clean boxers. He loved that they were soft against his skin, and didn’t hurt or were uncomfortable like his suit.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean slipped out of his wet clothing, and into new ones. Some sweats and an old frayed t-shirt of his. He glanced at Cas and saw him in the clothes Dean had gotten out for him earlier. He felt his heart jump at that, and he smiled. He walked over and sat down on the bed gently, and laid down, holding his arms open for Cas. So that if he didn’t want to - if he had changed his mind - he could decline.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel smiled. The clothes were slightly larger than they should, but he loved them. And they also had Dean’s scent. He looked as the hunter laid next to him, and leant to his hug, resting his head against Dean’s chest, and closing his eyes. He could fall asleep with no fear. There, right now. No fear for nightmares or returning back to heaven. He had all he needed and he was happy. He purred softly as he held on Dean’s clothes tight, wanting to have that hold of reality. That he wasn’t dreaming.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean breathed in Cas’ scent when he rested against him. This was what he’d wanted for two year. Just to hold Cas again. To feel him breath, to know he was alive. To know that Cas wasn’t in heaven or hell or anywhere between. He sighed and tightened his arms around Cas a bit. Cas was here. In his arms. Dean closed his eyes slightly, and took another deep breath. “You smell like home, Cas,” he murmured.

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel purred louder than before, smiling bright at Dean. That was all he needed now. His Alpha’s love. Nothing more or else. He had missed the hunter so much, and now they were mates. He buried his nose to Dean’s neck, sighing. “You too… You smelled like home at the moment I returned and saw your car. I am so happy to have you. Naomi is past and I am so happy about it.

* * *

 

Dean -

Deans heart swelled. He smelled like home to Cas. He loved how it felt to have Cas’ face buried in his neck, the slight. exhale of breath from him. He loved the little purr that came from Castiel’s throat. “She won’t get you. Ever again, Cas. I promise you that. I love you, and I’m not letting anyone take you away again” 

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel sighed anxiously. No. He didn’t want to remember a thing about Naomi. He wanted to be over. He didn’t want to bring up that matter ever again. “The things she did to me… The things she made me believe… That you were there and tortured me… She got into my head so many times… Thank God… She let me free… She got tired of me…” he sighed as he held his Alpha a little bit more tight. “I just wanted to go home… And I am so happy I am…” he sniffed.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean ran his hand over Cas’ side, drawing circles onto him through the hoodie. “I’d never hurt you, Cas. She…she might have used me that way against you, but I would never hurt you. I would rather die than hurt you,” he murmurs against Cas’ temple. “And now you’re home. You’re here, with me.” He felt the tense stature of Cas, and he continued drawing shapes onto him through the clothing. 

* * *

 

Castiel -

Castiel sniffed as he managed to calm down a bit. He didn’t want to bring up these memories. He didn’t want to start crying again. He didn’t want to stare at Dean. Be both felt fear and love. Fear as the memories of Dean’s hallucination torturing him came to his mind, and love, because damn, he loved this man so damn much. “I love you… I am sorry I am like that. So needy and stupid and… Whiny.”

* * *

 

Dean -

“Hey,” Dean raised his hand and turned Cas’ face to his. “Don’t ever apologize. I understand, and Im perfectly fine with it. And you’re not being stupid, Cas. I love you, and just because you’re a bit needy isn’t going to change that,” he said gently. He leaned forward but didn’t press his lips to Cas’ like he wanted. Instead he put his forehead against the ex-angels, and just breathed him in. 

* * *

 

Castiel - 

Castiel closed his eyes and took in Dean’s voice, Dean’s breath. He took in the moment, trying to remind himself he was loved and safe. “I love you” he purred as he managed to calm down completely. “I will show you I can move on and be better… I swear I will make everything better… I will be stronger… I am happy you exist Dean… Without you, I don’t know where I would be” he whispered.

* * *

 

Dean -

Dean cups the back of Cas’ neck. “I know you’re going to move on, get stronger, but you can take your time on it. You dont have to rush trying to get better. Look, I know I’m not the best with words, but you’re everything to me, Cas. If it takes you years to get better, I’ll be there. No matter what. You just have to promise me something. Don’t push yourself too hard, alright?”

* * *

 

 

Castiel -

Castiel made a small whimper and nodded. He was so happy to have his man. He was so glad that they were together. That they managed to tell their feelings for each other. He just kept his eyes closed, finding himself slowly falling asleep. It seemed better to sleep at the time. He had so much to get in time, so many things he had to learn about humanity and that scared him. He was just glad he could have some sleep still. And next to Dean, the place he felt more safe.


End file.
